Thursday, November 16, 2006

I know I'm going to regret writing this post..but, I need to tell you this..

Hi Everyone!!
I'm back and things look much brighter :D I have had a rough week, but once again, I have not only survived.... I have grown so much. 1 Corinthians 8:28 is my verse for the week! If you haven't read it...please do! Maybe it will help you with whatever struggles you are going through today....I have spent alot of time really searching for answers... I have come to the conclusion that my life has been like a balloon. I have held so much inside... and it slowly became so big that when my supervisor met with me, I just blew up!! It took just a few words to send me flying around the room out of control. Has anyone else had that happen? Please don't be afraid to step forward. I could really use some honesty from any one out there reading this blog...Over the last year I have felt like I'm on an island all alone. I have been pretending to have it all together and then I just fall apart at the smallest incident. After this last explosion I began to wonder if perhaps I had finally lost my mind...(okay neurotic mom..I know you want to jump in and say something...hahaha) Seriously, I have realized that I need to face these fears. I thought after brain surgery that all the fear was gone. After all I was alive and doing, maybe all the feelings were just me being dramatic.....Then I survived the heart-attack, so once again I was just being the drama queen. What I realize now is that each time something happened (in which my safety was questioned) my fears multiplied...I know I should give it all to God. But, for me that is sooooo difficult! I am embarraced to admit that I struggle with trusting even God with my fears. (by the way...I know I am going to regret this post....) Anyway,... my head tells me that I have no reason to be afraid. But, my heart is afraid...I still hurt!!...Every time something happens in my life it brings me back to my childhood. Please pray that I can overcome this situation through Gods hand??!! 1 Corinthians 8:28 is going to be posted everywhere until I feel like I can say it in my sleep. The verse reminds me that God uses the most difficult things for His good. Like...if I didn't go through what I did in my childhood I would not have a book...He took a horrible situation and made good things happen. God is an awesome God!!!! I know I am going to be okay...but, still pray for me.....Thanks for listening...I will post again tomorrow...

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